Dear God please don't let me be gunned down here at church.
I reckon that is the mirror of current events. So I sit and take in what could possibly be my last moments on Earth. Noticing the mundane. Relishing the majesty of humanity. This all could have been avoided if I didn't wake up to my alarm at five thirty in the morning. The gunman could come out of that door 12 feet in front of me. The gunman could start his rampage by the door right beside me. There is no way out. I kick my foot back below the pew. I have some room under this bench if I have to roll underneath it to play dead. I reckon that would be my plan.
But... My heroic plan would be to take off my heel and hit the gunman with it. Because that would stop a disturbed person with a semi-automatic gun. I see a fan right next to the grand piano. I would pick up the fan, hit the gunman and use the cord to choke the assailant. Playing dead is probably my best bet. I couldn't make my way out of this church if my two closest exits are blocked. This church has a terrible emergency exit setup.
If I were to die here I would hope I go to heaven. I say a prayer for forgiveness.
I've already read along with my prayer cards. I watch the choir piano player get ready to play. He doesn't practice. I think I've seen him before, at another Mass, eating a fast food breakfast in his car. I really hope no one sits next to me at church.
During the homily a family sits in the same pew. Couldn't you have picked the empty pew in front of me? I say, "ooohhh". Quickly I am ashamed that I said that outloud and hope that no one has heard me. Who does that while Father is talking? And why did they have to sit right next to me? My non verbal communication reads I'm not with them and that I would never be that disrespectful. Wait until the old man priest is done talking. Sorry God, Sorry Father and sorry stranger family.
(added 7/24) Before Mass I noticed a dog sitting alone in the car right next to me. I spied the dog first around the holidays and I saw him again Today. I look at him and he glances at me with sad eyes. Instantly I feel sorry for him. Throughout Mass, I kept an eye on the SUV with the dog outside. Who were it's owners? Who would leave a dog in the car in 7 AM Honolulu weather? After Mass I notice an older couple walking towards the car. The dog has now moved to the drivers seat, patiently waiting. Tail waving happily when he sees the couple. I wonder where they will go after Mass? I wonder why they can't leave the dog at home?
Maybe if the dog was tied up in front of the church, the hypothetical gunman would be mauled before he set foot inside. Maybe? My Mom says the dog and male owner look alike. I pray to Saint Frances for the well-being of the dog.
I guess it doesn't have to be a semi-automatic gun. It could be a bow and arrow. The "Mountain" could come in and decapitate me, while at Mass. A coconut could land on my head. It wouldn't make a difference. Except that it would be just me who died not a mass shooting.
Still working on it...
