“The many times I (almost…allegedly) punched someone’s face during a book club meeting”.
Dedicated to all the knitting stores that closed during plague 2019 - tbd. Thank you. To new beginnings and re-openings.
I once knitted during an in person book club meeting (circa 2017? 2018?). I dropped a stitch and stopped knitting at meetings. I wonder if that was the last time I knitted?
I hate the term atmospheric to describe a book. My fist clenchs up and prepare for a staredown or roll of the eyes. Rage virtual meeting quitting. Sorry spotty internet connection. I don’t know why I can’t be chill. Be Fonzie, don’t sue be Tarantino.
“Hey dumbass, shouldn’t you dedicate this book to book clubs”? Sure I should sugarcoat my inner monologue but that statement was real. Or insert “Profound celestial being” instead of the putdown. You didn’t know you were stepping into a “chose your own adventure” book didn’t you?
This book will have a dedication at the end of the book. A Nadication or Nodication. To book clubs big and small. New and established. To the heavily prepared and unprepared meeting member. To the quiet, non-verbal communicating member. F-web searches book club members will research your research. Book club members will mind f- you “into Bolivian”. Book club members are superheroes.
It’s Friday, September 24, 2021. I will be attending a virtual book club meeting today and I didn’t read the book. I have clothes in the wash and the dryer may interrupt my meeting. The race is on between the drying cycle and the 11 AM virtual start. The book is “Everything I never told you” by Celeste No. Who is Celeste Ng? Her tweets: “Take a deep breath, write the way you want to, read what you want to and don't read what you don't want to. Not every book is for everyone and that is totally okay. 6:50 AM · Sep 24, 2021” and “Voice is just fine; the literary world is going to survive; write the books that matter to you and read the books that speak to you. 6:46 AM · Sep 24, 2021”.
We don’t care we want the violence. • The author with the snide response to me questioning if he lived on the Big Island, Hawai‘i Island. The drive from Hilo to Kea‘au is nothing like how you described it. You probably didn’t use an ‘okina in Kea‘au. Immediate disqualification. • Someone disagreed with the ethnic background, sex, and whom this character was attracted to in the book “Ready Player One”. Too much social awareness in one character. I was irate and prepared to jump on the meeting table. This was a live action meeting. In retrospect I can now see that persons’ viewpoint. I loved this book character. All I heard was, “I have a problem with this character being black”. How preposterous. Both in the statement and my understanding of that persons’ opinion.
The times I almost got punched in the face. Me questioning a member on “What’s wrong with accents?” Which comes out in my undetermined origin (as in I wasn’t born there) North Eastern American fake accent. I said it really loud and huffy. I felt bad because she gave me a cookie before the meeting started and I haven’t seen her at a meeting since. So sorry. • Someone had a long winded story about their travels and instead of correcting a statement, I made out-loud, I didn’t say anything. Person was hogging the proverbial microphone and I wanted the story to end. I received a death stare. Rightly so.
I’ve witnessed some gnarly discussions. (I was waiting for an airplane passenger to refuse wearing a mask so that I can hold up my phone to videotape it and chant “GCW, GCW”! - Matt McCarthy, We Watch Wrestling podcast September 2021 (Trip to All Out Chicago)). I don’t know the exact quote but it’s something like that. Will research.
*****
To Celestial beings everywhere. To self proclaimed celestial beings and the people who tolerate them.
“Buy my book so I can become a bigger asshole than I am now. Please.” - Nadia Oribio, 2021.
